If you have been on a journey of self-discovery, chances are you have heard about attachment issues. This particular label has become a very popular tool in understanding how people interact with each other, particularly in romantic relationships. This blog is committed to exploring attachment issues and how they might affect you.

 My Story

Until recently, I categorized the idea of attachment issues with words like narcissist and authentic self. If you’re on social media it might seem like everyone is married to a narcissist while trying to be their authentic self, but alas, attachment issues are complicating their life. I say this as a joke, but there is an element of truth to the popularity of these labels.

 Basically, I dismissed the idea that the inability to create and maintain healthy relationships needed its own name as a potential wellness challenge.

I was raised in a household that did not foster loving and healthy relationships. I went to therapy for this in my 20’s and thought it was mostly behind me. I had made peace with my parents’ life choices and how they potentially affected me. I was almost convinced that my childhood was not complicating the cadence of my life, except for the fact that my 20-year marriage has been under major reconstruction for years and is finally coming to a peaceful end.   

I justified my behavior and recognized how I have matured emotionally over the decades of my life. In fact, I felt tremendously happy with the way I have handled recent challenges; it all crumbled when I Interviewed a therapist that specializes in attachment issues. 

It felt like Pandora’s box blew wide open in my life and now I am questioning all that I believed about my most intimate relationships.  Just like the Greek mythology, this gift is opening my eyes to past troubles, turbulent emotions, but also offers hope. I immediately signed a contract to work with a relationship coach. I am committed to understanding this area of my life that needs healing and how it potentially affects me and those in my life. 

Momentum Therapy and Coaching

 I interviewed licensed therapist and life coach John Cohen who is the founder of Momentum Therapy and Coaching. I heard about his unique way of helping adults manage their attachment issues. I was really excited to discover the unusual way he promotes self-awareness in these significant life challenges.

John Cohen comes across as very grounded, with a dose of creative energy flowing in his conversation. There is nothing pretentious in his style or mannerisms. He is able to offer a safe space where it’s easy to find the words to describe what’s on your mind.

John’s history of wilderness therapy is a foundational piece of what he offers today. If you are lucky enough to live in Flagstaff, Arizona, he will meet you in person. His sessions often include walking on trails in wide open space, free of waiting rooms and walls. It’s not unusual for his 12-year-old golden husky to be nearby. 

The motion of walking creates a forward momentum to access thoughts and beliefs that are the root of behaviors and patterns holding you back in your relationships. It is easy to see how the physical and mental energy move and flow together, and nature is conducive to motion and change. 

Even if the sessions are not in person, the elements of feeling grounded and safe are still experienced. All of John’s sessions offer an opportunity for self-awareness, which is a wonderful resource to discover why you feel and act the way you do.  

Attachment Issues 

What are attachment issues:

If an adult suffers from attachment issues it often presents as not being able to feel secure and have healthy attachment in relationships. The origin of these issues is typically related to childhood and birth experiences, including trauma. They are often discovered or most acutely felt in romantic relationships where vulnerability is a component of building a close bond.

 Our deepest part of self, or core is developed early in life and replays as an adult in our closest relationships

How might attachment issues in adults present:

Adults with attachment issues often find it difficult to trust others, they might also sabotage relationships and pick unhealthy partners that create a similar feeling from their early childhood. These individuals are often highly sensitive, adding even greater awareness to what they are feeling emotionally, thus causing more stimulus to the struggles in the relationship.

How to manage attachment issues:

Therapy is potentially the best tool to discover childhood attachment patterns and how they might be affecting you today. A good therapist can help you recognize what you need to feel safe and what type of partner can potentially provide that for you.

What if attachment issues are never addressed:

If attachment issues are never addressed internal struggles will continue, in particular where trust is needed. Relationships will have patterns repeated thus having a complex shadow cast over them. It is common to create push pull relationships where a couple alternates between being close to each other and pulling away, causing emotional confusion.

Does everyone have some form of attachment issues:

This can be answered in the same way we look at anxiety. Most people will have varying degrees of anxiety about something in their life. The trick is recognizing what the trigger is and how to avoid that, and also knowing your best way of coping, or talking yourself off the ledge.

When it comes to attachment issues, or feeling secure in a relationship, most people can waiver now and again. It’s recognizing when you need help learning how to maintain a healthy and secure relationship.

Wrapping It Up

Many spiritual practices encourage a lifestyle free of attachments. The theory behind this believes attachments are linked to expectations and thus suffering. With this in mind, perhaps seeking to create beautiful healthy connections free of expectations where energy flows, might offer the healthiest relationships.

I love being out on the trails, because it feels open and expansive, similar to the feeling momentum therapy offers. Is it possible to have this experience of flow in relationships free of expectations, thus allowing an intimacy that is not compromised by predictions, be they good or bad. This quandary of mine will be a lifelong process that certainly will evolve into many opportunities of self-awareness.

If you are curious about your attachment style or potential attachment issues, I encourage you to explore therapy. I have great respect for the commitment and process that John Cohen has provided his clients for decades at Momentum Therapy and Coaching. I love the safe space he provides and how he weaves different elements of the natural world into the healing process. He is licensed as a therapist in Arizona and Utah, in other states he practices as a life coach.